glowing_dragon: (Default)
DIRTY JOKES!

How is pubic hair like parsley? You push it to the side before you start eating.

Dirty jokes from Red's Twitch stream! )


After DOUBLE COFFEE TIME, I went out at 6:55 on a 401 to meet Chrystal at the Broadway London Drugs. Good thing I left early since the next Waterfront train was out of service at what HAD BEEN a surprisingly empty Brighouse Station! There was some guy clapping like a seal on the bus and at the station - thank goodness he wasn't in my train car! I got to London Drugs at 7:30, and was happy that there was no lineup at the post office so I could mail Corey and Julie's cards. However, I got a postal worker who was grumpy as fuck: I have NEVER been told that I shouldn't write anything in the corner of the envelope, otherwise the stamp would obscure the destination address! Fuck you, random guy!

Chrystal and I went to Pho Extreme Xe Lua: #17 and #1 it was! SPECIAL! We talked about her nephews Ethan (4) and Ethan (1 and a bit), Ayler, Hiero, Beckett discovering new words and the door, Beckett being "smart" by banging his head on the hardwood floor to delay Harmony's leaving for a school meeting, Beckett being really smart by putting all his molecule balls on the far windowsill so he can play with those and look at the reflected lights across the street at the same time (I left him to do that for a minute - he's fine and preoccupied), my broken suitcase, my replacement suitcase, my upcoming trip, and her just doing family things at home this holiday season. Angus and Melia and Phil and Grace have their own families now, and it would be pretty huge to have a family gathering! I got home at 9:05 on a 407, which is pretty good for leaving at 8:30. (Chrystal bused home again!)


Pho Xe Lua # 17 with Chrystal as a pre-Xmas 2019 dinner: Steak, flank, tendon, tripe, and fatty flank!




Right after Halloween, I was ChristmasFlamHam in Shiwa's Discord server!




From Tommy Chong: What's Your Stoner Elf Name? Mine is Smokey Jingletokes! Mike would be Buddy Evergreens! My ex-friend Jimmy would be Danky Sparklepipe!




Borked Heys suitcase which came with a busted zipper and an almost-impossible push handle...




Successfully packed replacement carry-on American Tourister suitcase with enough room for ALL my stuff, a working zipper, and a much simpler non-push handle! Way easier to maneuver on transit, too! My parents should have just lent me this one in the first place, then I wouldn't have had to store the first one in a weird way so I wouldn't have had to push the handle down every time I wanted to access it. *rolleyes*

glowing_dragon: (Consumer Whore)
After COFFEE TIME, I went out at 2:40 on a 401 to a sick Jeremy's for Jon's birthday dinner since Eric could give me a ride home after UBC hockey and helping in the kitchen. I bought on-sale Knorr Sidekicks in Chicken and Broccoli rice and pasta / Homestyle Cheddar / Chicken Fried Rice, some high-visibility fluorescent yellow-green stickers and slap bracelet straps from Dollar Land (FINALLY!), some 100 mL Vaseline lotion in the yellow tube for Ontario from Shoppers Drug Mart, and a small bag of NEW on-sale Takis Outlaw snacks from Buy-Low for the Gwei-Lo at Kingsgate Mall since I got there at 3:20. I managed to get to Jeremy's at 4:35 after cutting through Dude Chilling Park, and Ayler wasn't even there yet to lock me out like he did last year! Eric sent me a text while I was there to ask if I was here yet... crazy! I did give him his Windel Advent calendar and Delecto dark chocolate assortment, and gave Jeremy his Windel Advent calendar too.

The kids got there a while later; Harmony said she was glad I was there already because then I could help her watch Beckett and take him from Jesse later on when he needed a break. Yeah, I let him look at the big screen for a minute - that's not going to get him addicted! Jeremy said there were some unsafe things for babies behind the chairs - yes, I could see wires! Beckett toddled around and wanted to turn off the computer, which Ayler thought was a touchscreen again. I let Beckett touch my fuzzy purple Alia winter coat, go up on the couch (but NOT touch the Japanese painting), hold my hands as he walked around, spout gibberish about the glass table (he can see the carpet!) and point at the lights and new things, and give me all the beer coasters a few times over.

Yes, he could throw those around if he wanted to, but NOT the candles or anything else! NOT SUITABLE PROJECTILES! He was also eventually curious about Jeremy's beard, like Ayler and Hiero had been. Ayler was smart and knew that I would have Advent calendars for them. He has a bonus dragon book since HE is a DRAGON too! The Santa stuffed dog was in my bag later when I got home, but I can give it to Beckett before my trip. Hiero wanted to be Batman or Superman in front of everyone.

I was civil and polite to Raymond when he was in the way and admiring Jeremy's bookshelf while I wanted to get my UTHER book from my bag to show Trish later, and also when I handed him some dishes that needed to be washed. Caught up with Caleb (I saw his uncle William recently!), Becky, Alice, Jeremy, Randal, Jesse, Trish, Lanie, and Christon for sure. (Ayler's math prowess / the Japanese soldier who refused to surrender until his commanding officer said so / my upcoming trip / writing / Jacob's Well / SERVANTS / the Spain honeymoon / buying a new place and moving / a rice cooker / the microwave / Jeremy seeing Steph in the newspaper as a random RCMP officer and confirming with Jon)

I met Jon's friend Mallory, noticed that his friend Jay had a "scent" about him, and "met" his friends Chris and Mallory. Since we all had to leave an hour or so earlier because Jeremy was feeling under the weather (bad timing as he got sick from his co-workers yesterday!), Eric and I actually left at 9 or so! We talked about gluten-free ice cream sandwiches being good for his mom and brother, his staying home at Christmas, FIRE EMBLEM, and a raccoon being outside near the dumpster when we got to my place at 9:30. (it was a milk jug...)


Trappiste Rochefort beer!




Santa's Sac beer, haha!




Food and safety and more! )
glowing_dragon: (No Netspeak!)
Gap, Pennsylvania?!




From Janina: I'm burying a dollar store skeleton in a shallow grave under my new deck. Should be funny in 30 years when the next guy is rebuilding it.




From This is True: Whaiti Albert?!

glowing_dragon: (Vancouver Canucks hockey!)
COFFEE TIME! Do not join the r/Canucks Discord server! The mods and admins are all immature teenagers who think that I, a grown woman, am "disrespecting them" by posting a VERY sanitized rant about people who "need" Reddit reminders about the two 10 AM games this weekend. Just set an alarm, dude... no need to post something that reveals your terrible sleep habits. Even I manage not to sleep in past 10 these days unless I'm sick. I don't need a bot warning me about morbidity and "disrespect" because most of the things they post (including shitposts and memes) make me roll my eyes! The Canucks played New Jersey today at 10 AM, and lost 1-0. Thanks, Mackenzie Blackwood AND really early scheduling...


Hell, Michigan?!




Names banned in Sonora, Mexico, which borders Arizona: Burger King, Rambo, Facebook, Twitter, Robocop, James Bond, Harry Potter, Christmas Day, Rolling Stone, Virgin, Cesarean, Circumcision, Yahoo, Pocahontas, Spinach, Rocky, Mistress, US Navy, Terminator, Hitler, Lady Di, Email, Scrotum, Hermione, Batman, Private, Sponsorship, Traffic, Martian, Panties, and Illuminated?!

glowing_dragon: (Happy Birthday!)
GIF Resizer


9/17/19 is also a palindrome date AND MY BIRTHDAY! After COFFEE TIME, I went out at 3:30 on a 401 to help with the kids. I JUST missed the Brighouse train because of someone shoving their way onto the elevator when the door was closing, and ALMOST missed the 3 bus at Marine Drive because someone wanted to let others on the already full elevator! JESUS CHRIST! People already on the elevator have connections to make and places to go - they can wait for the next one! And no, I did not leave really late!

When I finally got to the house at about the usual time, Beckett was fussing and trying to sleep. Ayler and Hiero were doing some origami; no, they couldn't test me on my birthday since that isn't very nice! I got to see Ayler construct a tiny gift box, while Hiero put very small things in his. Ayler wanted me to look at the origami book, so I did - lots of stuff in there for sure! Later, he wanted to see if he was taller than me yet - nope, but he was also cheating (which I told him) because he was standing on the mat and I was standing on the floor. I did tell him - as usual - the demarcation between my neck and my chin. Wow, he's 4 foot 6 already?!

We had dinner earlier than Beckett, and Hiero told me something interesting about making friends in kindergarten. It's good to know the proper names of your body parts, I told him. Harmony asked what I did for my actual birthday: Uh, you're currently looking at it! Turns out Jon believed Mom when she said it was the 16th, so I told her that maybe she shouldn't automatically believe Mom, and take what SHE says with a very liberal grain of salt. Homemade tomato soup, artisan bread, sticky rice (JONG), chicken feet, spicy sausage, soft carrots, and shortbread camel cookies - I declined the relaxing tea, though!

Beckett finally got a little bit of sleep - which I agree that he needed - and then crawled to my chair and pulled himself up to say hi and eat my dragon hoodie strings. CUTE! He wanted me to play with him, so I did - without washing my hands, which I'm sure Harmony wasn't impressed with. Oh well. Sometimes you gotta let the kid lead! He laughed at the baby pop-up toy, clapped and laughed, climbed on my back to try pulling my hair (Ayler says he claws people and pulls their hair now), and seemed way more energetic than Harmony thought he should be. Maybe he just wanted to play with me since he recognizes and likes me now!

Later, he crawled into the bathroom while Ayler was in there, but I was interested to see what he gets up to inside. Turns out that he's smart and knows that his blue basin is inside the shower stall, so wants to put it on his head. I took him out of there to play with better toys on the mat, and he climbed on me when I put the soccer ball on my head. Harmony let me go early at 7:10, which was a change. There was a transit officer on the 3 Marine Drive bus already, which again did not stop anywhere randomly for a few minutes. I still was a couple minutes late for a Brighouse train, but eventually got home at 8:45. Not a bad end to my birthday at all, involving no rushing like LAST YEAR!


From Nita: A pencil is on the phone. "I'll call you back later, okay? I'm having dinner with my editor." The RUBBER ERASER is the editor, hahaha!

glowing_dragon: (Vancouver Canucks hockey!)
9/16/19 is also a palindrome date! After DOUBLE COFFEE TIME, I had to leave at 2:15 to see Dr. Ruby at 2:45. Ugh, they can't just do a referral by phone?! I was confused when the 410 detoured way down Alderbridge instead of going on No. 3 Road - ugh, MORE construction! I encountered a nice friendly construction worker, though! At least I got another appointment next Tuesday afternoon for something else I've probably been putting off... I'll just do that and then go to Jon's, I guess.

I got home at 4:10 after seeing an inappropriate MOTHER'S birthday card at Dollar Tree while I was there buying NEW Beeswax Burst lip balm x3 (Creamy Vanilla / Wild Cherry / Peppermint), 35 birthday cards, and three wedding cards. The Canucks played Calgary twice today in Calgary and Victoria at 6 and 7 in their first games of the 2019-2020 NHL preseason, and also split. 3-2 win and 4-3 loss! I also showered today when I got home.


I had the Dr. Oetker wildberry cheesecake as my birthday cake!




NEW Beehive Burst lip balm in Creamy Vanilla!




NEW Beehive Burst lip balm in Wild Cherry!




Seen at the Dollar Tree this afternoon: My mom would be horrified if we gave her this NUTS birthday card... "I'd give up my nuts to make sure you have a great birthday!" Totally appropriate for your mom's birthday...




There's a town named Scunthorpe in North Lincolnshire, England?!




From my Endlessly Engrossing Bathroom Reader #22: HOW TO WRITE WHILE YOU SLEEP?!

glowing_dragon: (Bert and Ernie)
After COFFEE TIME, I had to go out at 11:20 to meet Mom and Dad for my new reading glasses and some lunch. Mom wondered why I didn't turn my cellphone on - why not save battery life if I don't NEED it on all day? She wasn't impressed when I told her that, but whatever! At home, I just use it to briefly check things like redundant Youtube notifications / Facebook messages and texts. When I'm out and about, it's a different story!

We had stew beef noodles, hot and sour soup, long Chinese dumplings (wo-teep), and siu long bao (soup dumplings) for lunch at Dinesty. Dad told me that she was slowing down, so I had to look after her - if I feel like it, maybe. Then we went to the nearby herbalist (whom she asked for dollar store intel when I'd already told her about Dollarama and Dollar Tree) - where I saw testicles apparently for sale - and Staples where Mom got a bunch of clearance stuff. No, I didn't want any of that even if she wanted to buy it for herself.

Mom also wanted to pay for my one pack of 12 blue Z-Grip Pens (January 17, 2019- the last one on the shelf) which I was going to pay for myself at the cash register. Then she played the martyr about it when they weren't the cheap kind ("why don't you get some other kind..."), but eventually paid for them. The next stop was the Dollarama at Lansdowne, where Mom paid for one pair of reading glasses, then stopped by the Smart n'Save for some crunchy Wah Yuen BBQ fried dough. Mom also almost killed herself by crossing the street too slowly at Lansdowne Mall with oncoming traffic - shades of Grandma! Later, we got one more pair of reading glasses at Dollar Tree before they finally dropped me off at home at 1:10 prior to helping Ayler and Hiero with swimming lessons.


Random stuff from Mom and Dad: two pairs of dollar store reading glasses (2.50 and 2.75 - NEEDED: 3.00), a small pack of Cadbury mini-eggs from the dollar store, a 12-pack of Z-Grip pens which I was going to pay for myself since we were at Staples anyway, Every Living Thing by James Herriot, a thin beige scarf, an ORGANICS FOR LIFE tote bag, a blue neck scarf, a thin white scarf, a knitted white hat which looks like a doily, a knitted black and brown hat, a black buttoned SEQUENCE coat, and a thin sky blue zippered Tabi vest.


Pan-fried pork potstickers or wo-teep! Long Chinese dumplings!




Wah Yuen BBQ fried dough!




Touch toothpicks - 1000 regular ones! Mike almost stole them from me by keeping them at his mom's place in Point Grey because she supposedly needed them for a party appetizer in 2014! Thank goodness I took them back when we were there next time... phew!

glowing_dragon: (Cherry Cheesecake or Pie)
It's Good Friday 2019 today!


From Julie: YOU WRECKED MY TOILET won the Runner-Up Prize in 1957 for Disgusting Literature?! Sounds about right...




From Ebaumsworld: GOODBYE, TESTICLES?!




From Julie: Marquise?! Your kid isn't royalty!




From Julie: Tisheanna pronounced as Tosh-Ee-Onna?! I would go with Tish-Ee-Anna!

glowing_dragon: (Vancouver Canucks hockey!)
I discovered that Jason Lam and Sarah Quelch had unfriended me - oh well, the Awana and Palmer days were long ago! The Canucks played the Kings at 7:30 tonight... the game went to overtime (thanks to Gaudette!) plus a shootout. BOESER GOT THE GOAL TO WIN 4-3! I also showered today.


From Kenny and Busted Locals: A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A Louisiana State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book. She said, "I bet you are going to try to sell me a ticket to the Louisiana Trooper's Ball." He replied, "Louisiana State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence. He then closed his book, tipped his hat, got back in his patrol car, and left.




From Youtube: Ashley Heavy Runner Loring?!

glowing_dragon: (Default)
This computer blue-screened just when I was going to go to bed! UGH!


From Julie: EXTREME IRONING?! I wouldn't want to stand up there, let alone iron!




EAT YOURSELF PREGNANT?! No thanks!




THE TESTICLE COOKBOOK: COOKING WITH BALLS?!




Translation of the Japanese title: CONDOM MEALS I WANT TO MAKE FOR YOU?! Oh, Japan...

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